Stuck in reverse.

It was exactly two days ago I wore my uniform for the last time, and probably the last uniform I'll ever wear, unless I find myself employed by McDonalds. The feeling sucked. I mean you're happy when a school year ends because you've waited for summer a little too long, but when school ends all together and you have no idea what you've been waiting for isn't exactly the greatest feeling in the world.

Nothing's going to compensate for waking up at 6:30, getting ready in 15 minutes (breakfast included) and always being late for the school bus. Nothing's going to compensate for the annoying kids always whining about their non-existant boyfriends and relationships. Nothing's going to compensate for the feeling when I put my earphones in to get away from everything I couldn't care less about. Nothing's going to compensate for getting off the bus like a zombie and having my friends laugh at me walking like a duck. Nothing's going to compensate for sleeping through econ...okay, bunking econ compensates. Or did. Sleeping through Law, bunking law. Bunking socio and attending socio after getting caught and bunking again. Nothing's going to compensate for the bullshit we talked about, and nothing will compensate for the people I've met and grown to love. Nothing will compensate for the morning hugs and the long walks, and the sun tans.

Not being able to wear that uniform is scary. Not knowing what lies ahead is scarier. 

Little happy things #3

Humza Rana made me look skinny. 

All good things come to an end.

You can never prepare yourself for goodbyes. Even if you do p
repare yourself, you can never predict the outcome. But I'll give it a shot anyway. Since school's almost ending and everything's changing. Big decisions need to be made. I need to make a plan for myself, I need to plan exactly what I want to do with my life. But right now, I'm predicting what goodbyes for me are going to be like.

I'm obviously going to be extremely emotional, and I can't really put emotions into words... So I'm going to draw instead.

This is a Patatu. A sad patatu.

Stop playing games with my heart!

I had three slices of pizza for dinner, and two slices of cake because I was starving before dinner. And now I'm having trouble farting. Probably shouldn't be writing about this, but all hail freedom of speech.

I feel impregnated by gas, probably because I'm trying too hard to push it out. And this is all too much information, but just so you know, gas gives terrible heart aches, the kind that make Shehbaz Sharif feel like he's having a heart attack.

Too. Much. Pain.

C'est la vie: Such is life.

"Something that you say when something happens that you do not like but which you have to accept because you cannot change it."

The sun's rising, wind blows your hair onto your face, you're walking alone, you're wishing to find yourself but all that surrounds you is nothing. You're tired, you've been soul searching for days now. Solace is just an illusion, your heart tells you to stop because there's only dead ends ahead. But you can't stop because you're too numb to feel what your heart wants you to feel. 

You can't stop because you like it. You like walking through the dusk. You feel invincible. You like the humidity gently touching your cheeks, and you like the grass tickle your feet. You whisper, "la vie est belle: life is beautiful". But is it really?

The grass is no longer beneath your bare feet because you've been walking for too long. You're far ahead from where you started. 

The sun is out now. You find it harder to breathe but you keep on going. You're walking on cold white cement, one step at a time. You're slowing down. Steps become smaller, baby steps. You're there. On top of the world, facing the sun. How does it feel? You don't know. You're just standing there. Looking down on empty streets then looking up at the sky. You take a step ahead, ask yourself if you're sure. You step back.

You're not afraid of heights, are you? You can't remember the last time you felt this good, like you could do anything. Like you could fly. You take a step back. 

You're over the sun. You're walking forward now. You ask yourself if you're sure. 

Are you?